Today....How....Were do I start this....

Me and my brother never use to get along. When we were little I never want to use to me around him. I use to never want to be around him because we were so different. I couldn't understand a lot of what he did and it use to make me really angry. He use to really get on my nerves. He always bugged me and never left me along and so I never wanted to spend time with him.

My mother always told me that, It was like this with her and her sisters. She use to treat her younger sister Lorraine like crap. She always talked so much about how she will never forget how mean she was to here even though she had pissed her off or did something to get her into trouble.

My mom use to work a lot or she was getting high or playing bridge on the computer or sleeping. Though my young childhood I wasn't around my mom a lot. I didn't want to be around her. All she did was smoke weed, Dated someone, Played bridge, Sleep, Work. My house was never clean and always looked like shit. So I never wanted to be around her and that kinda lead up to me never wanting to be around my little brother.

I remember this one time we went out with my father.... I was 10 maybe? my brother was 6 and he was acting out because wasn't getting what he wanted. I pushed him or something and he fell and got hurt and stared to cry. I remember not caring at all.

Today, Me and Yatterouse went on a walk and I went and got Shane and Amanda (My best friends littlest brother and sister age 10 and 3.) We spent Three and half hours playing and joking and carrying around. We went for a walk in the woods, threw some rocks into a pond, played on a play ground and went home walking though the woods. I even played with them at the play ground. They were so cute.......

In my entire life, I have never taken my little brother to a playground. I never took him to the park. I didn't take him to hang out with my friends. I didn't even want him outside playing by himself when my friends and I were outside playing...

One time me and my brother got into a fight and I even put my head though my own wooden door because I was so angry with him.....

My little brother is almost 16. His life is on the edge of being a bad kid and being a lazy kid. He smokes weed, doesn't do good in school, doesn't work, his dad gives him money all the time. His life isn't at a good part.

I love my little brother with all my heart. Why didn't I ever take him to the park.......................Why didn't I ever go and play with him on a playground...... Why couldn't we ever go throw rocks in a pond.

Did you know that I would never let anything hurt my brother? Not his mother, not his father, nobody. When we were little and even now a days if you have a problem with him you come and speak with me not the cops not his mother, me.

And when I look back and actually think about everything I have ever done to my little brother Christopher........And When I think of how nice of a thing I did today was......It makes me cry...It makes me cry like the way I'm crying now.

I would never let anything touch you sept the hand and words of god....And the only hand and words that ever did was me.

You, could never imagine how sorry I'm for doing the things I did to you. I do want your forgiveness nor do I ask it of you. The only thing I can do to right the wrongs I did to you is promise you.....

To promise you that I will never treat another livening soul....The way I treated you little brother...

---ZeroOne